Last night I heard a radio interview of the author of a book who argues that humans were never meant to be monogamous. He says that since quite a lot of people cheat on their spouses, that it must necessarily be against our genes/nature as humans to remain committed exclusively to one person for life. Therefore, healthy partnerships and marriages must be “open” in order to be most fulfilled. He also says that people who do remain committed without cheating are either lying about the subject or don’t have the ability or opportunity to cheat because of age, looks, lack of sexual prowess, etc.
I suppose that this is the only logical conclusion of a certain worldview. IF humans are only animals, then our urges and instincts must therefore be our highest motivation and suppression of those urges will lead to an unhappy, unfulfilled existence. Fortunately for me, this has not been my experience.
In my experience, the people who live the most successful, happiest, most fulfilled lives are people who exhibit great self control and have a long-term, exclusive, committed relationship with their spouse. I’ve found it to be true in myself as well. The more self controlled I am and the longer I remain committed exclusively to Misha, the more fulfilling I’ve found our relationship, and not just on an emotional level, but a physical one as well. I can’t imagine a happier, more fulfilled existence for me.
Because when love is viewed purely from a physical cost/reward perspective completely removed from the metaphysical, then it becomes just an emotion, and I know all too well how fleeting and unpredictable my emotions are. Or it becomes just instincts and urges, and I know all too well how self destructive those can be when followed to their end.
So here’s what I’ll do: I will let this fella have his open relationship and let him remain true to his worldview, if that’s what he wants to do. And I will go right ahead and pursue all the things he says will keep me unfulfilled and restless in my marriage. At the end of our lives, maybe we’ll have the chance to compare.
I predict that my relationship with Misha will be unquantifiably better not in spite of self control and exclusivity, but because of it.
Why wouldn’t I remain exclusive with her? She is the one who knows me best and accepts me for all that I am, as imperfect as I may be. She is the one who is the mother of my children and the desire of my heart. She is the one with whom I made a covenant: No matter the circumstance, no matter the finances or health, no matter the place or time, near or far, I will remain committed to Misha Perkins Parker until I die. I have bricked myself in, and though the world may fly apart all around us, I will never break that covenant.
