Affections and Things Left Unsaid

I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and it tends to come up a lot in our I am Second group when it’s time to talk about our commitments for the week. It’s the issue of my affections. Where they actually are versus where I say they are.

Let me explain.

Last week I told my IA2 (that’s the cool way of abbreviating I am Second) group that I wanted to give God more of my time in the evening, so I was going to close my computer, turn off the TV, and sit and read and pray for 30 minutes. Every evening. Yeah.

Didn’t happen.

I sat down one evening in my office chair, opened my Bible, read about 3 words, and fell asleep. For an hour. When I woke up and wiped the drool from my chin, I realized something: Sitting down and being still in the late evening in my recliner when all is quiet is kind of a dangerous thing for me to do if I want to get anything done. So last night while confessing my failure to the IA2 kids, I decided to adjust things a bit.

Maybe I should start small.

Every now and then I get the feeling that I say I love God more than I act like I love God. Have you ever felt that way? Maybe I spend more time in the garden or playing video games or on facebook or... than I do thinking about God, praying, reading my Bible, telling people about Christ... Maybe I spend my money on gadgets or eating out or clothes or... than I do supporting the mission of our church. And every now and then I get a wake up call that adjusts my thinking and makes me want to return to my first love.

Because that’s what I really want.

Even though I may lose sight of what’s really important for a while and focus on myself, I can sincerely tell you that I do love God and that I want my life to reflect His character. I want my affections to be totally focused on Him. And He wants that, too. In fact, He is jealous for our affection. It’s the very first of the ten commandments in Exodus 20. “I am the Lord your God... You will have no other gods before me... I am a jealous God...” And then in Deuteronomy 6:4-5, “Hear, O Israel, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.”

So what’s the deal?

If I want my affections to be on God, and God wants my affections to be on Him, why do I find it so hard to carve out extra time for Him during the day? Well, it’s not a catch-all, but Paul says it nicely in Romans 7:13-25. Take a minute to read it. Maybe it will summarize your dilemma, as well.

By the way, my solution is to start by reading just one extra chapter outside of my lesson study time and normal quiet time. And also to take a 5 minute break every now and then when I’m working or watching TV or facebooking (yes, that’s a new verb) to refocus my attention on Christ and to let Him know how much I love Him.

Maybe that will help.

Airport Security

I haven’t flown in airplanes much in my life. I mean, in comparison to some other people I know. I still get a bit nervous when I’m approaching the airport, afraid I’m going to be late for the flight or that I forgot to do something. So I try to get to the airport super-early so I can take care of anything that needs to be done so I don’t miss my flight. Of course, I have never had a problem with any of that, and I usually get stuck at the airport for an extra 2 or 3 hours. I did that today. And I’m killing the time writing this article.

The part I really dislike and really dread about flying is the scrutiny. The examination of everything metal or hidden or liquid or fluffy... just freaks me out. What if my shampoo or deodorant is too big? What if they find something in my shoes? What if my feet smell and the guy behind me is grossed out? The last time I flew I had accidentally left a 4 oz. jar of jelly in my backpack. It was a gift for my mom. Sorry mom.

Do you ever feel that way when you come to church? Like you’re being scrutinized? What if you did one too many wrong things this week? What if they found out about the contraband hidden way down deep in your baggage? What if they stop you and ask you probing questions? Do you spend your time at church trying to make yourself appear as harmless as possible so that no one will think you are a terrorist? Or a drinker?

Believe it or not, this sort of attitude is slavery. It is slavery to the rules and the way things appear. It is slavery to public opinion and your own sense of insecurity. And believe it or not, fewer people are evaluating your spirituality than you think.

It is true that Scripture calls us to encourage each other to good works. It is true that we are to speak the truth to each other in love. It is true that when someone sins against us we are to go to that person and work it out. Privately. It is not true that we are to scrutinize each other and point out sin. It is not true that we are to evaluate other people according to what they are or are not doing. It is not true that we are to focus on the negative things other people are doing.

Consider Ephesians chapter 4. Take a minute or two and read it.

Go ahead and read it again, but this time look for a few things:

What is Paul’s deep desire for the Ephesians as a church? (v. 1)

What is the means for accomplishing Paul’s desire? (v. 2)

What is a primary purpose for following Paul’s encouragement? (v. 3)

How can we accomplish this sense of unity at our churches? (vv. 7-16)

Who is responsible for your worthy walk? (vv. 17-24)

Who is affected by your lifestyle of worthy living? (vv. 25-32)

Paul’s instructions for worthy living go on through the rest of Ephesians, and it’s all based in God’s love for us and what He has already accomplished. We have, as believers, everything we need to pursue this worthy life, but it’s our job to pursue it.

One last note: everything in Ephesians 4 is about our personal responsibility to holiness, but it is always in the context of the church as a whole. So we pursue unity at church by attending to our own personal holiness, taking care of our own issues, and as a result, we draw closer to each other as we all draw closer to God. And as we discover how God has wired us to serve each other, church becomes less about an attitude of airport security, and it becomes more about how I can encourage other people in their own personal pursuit of Christ and His holiness.

Heros

When I was a kid I always looked up to the heros of the Bible and thought how great it would be to be just like them. I heard stories of David killing Goliath with a slingshot and so I went out and made my own slingshots and tried to hit trees with them.

Because I was just that cool.

I heard about Shamgar and his ox-goad. I didn’t really know what an ox-goad is, but I had this really cool-looking-grim-reaper-grass-cutter-thingy that I took out and swung as hard as I could at the grass and pretended to be saving God’s people from their oppressors.

Yes, I really did.

And then there was Samson. So strong, so muscular, so good with the ladies... What pre-pubescent boy wouldn’t want to be like Samson? I imagined flexing my bicep and 30 men fell down in front of me. Ropes and chains couldn’t hold me. I actually had the boy next door tie me to a tree so I could break free. And so noble, too. Even when he was blind He was able to take out all the leaders of the Philistines. His only desire was to do God’s will. What a guy.

You can imagine my surprise when I went back as an adult and read the story how it really is. It was a bit rattling, actually. I could not believe that Samson’s only desire was a woman, not God’s will. It was disconcerting that Samson went out of his way to break every vow of a Levite except cutting his hair. It shook my faith to discover that the story of Samson is an example of how low the people of Israel had fallen, that even their deliverer didn’t really care all that much about what God wanted him to do.

The story of Samson comes at the end of the book of Judges, a downward spiral of disobedience and judgment that ends with the sentiment, “Every man did what was right in their own eyes.” As an adult, I read that story and I see myself. I know that I have every thing I need in Christ to accomplish His will. I know that I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing. But I still reach out for that honey, even though it’s wrapped in the carcass of a lion. I still pursue my own pleasure at the expense of pretty much everything else, especially my relationship with Christ. I still depend on my own strength to overcome temptation, and I fail repeatedly.

So now I play out the story in a completely different way. We all do. We all pursue things that distract us from God’s will. We all have things in our lives that keep us from fulfilling our purpose. We all selfishly use our time and our resources to build up our own kingdoms for our own glory. That’s what humans do. And the more we do this, the blinder we become to what God wants us to do.

Consider in contrast these words from David:

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the way of the wicked

Nor stand in the way of sinners,

Nor sit in the seat of scoffers

But his delight is in the law of the Lord

And on this law he meditates both day and night

He shall be like a tree planted by streams of water

That brings forth its fruit in its season

His leaf never withers, and everything he does prospers.

Old Trucks and City Codes

I remember my brother telling me about how mad he was that he couldn’t work on his truck in front of his house in Lincoln, Nebraska. It was his first house in the big city. We grew up in small town Arkansas, and he’d previously lived with his wife and daughter out in the middle of the desert near Flagstaff, Arizona, so he didn’t really have much experience with city codes and neighborhood organizations. It all sounded silly to me, and I even thought he was being a bit silly, too. I subconsciously thought that I wouldn’t find myself in that situation.

For one thing, I don’t really work on 30 year-old trucks, spewing their guts across my front lawn.

But last month, I faced the code enforcement guy on my porch. And I felt the white hot flames of rebellion creep up from the center of my chest and burn my cheeks. I had been reported. I had brush on my curb. Someone didn’t like it. Several people didn’t like it. And where I live, the people who pass my house every day just happen to be some of the right people to get quick action.

How dare they?

Don’t they know who I am? Don’t they know how hard I work on that house? Don’t they think I’m intelligent enough to call the brush people myself? I should put a snarky sign in my yard! I should do something even more annoying that doesn’t break any codes! I should go down the street and report any little violation I can find!

The longer I thought about it, the more a still, quiet thought crept in: “As much as it depends on you, live at peace with all men.”

The truth is, my rebellion and all of my subsequent thoughts were all about myself, how I’d been wronged, how hard I work, what a good person I am, how my rights had been violated. The entire time there was something I needed to do--adhere to the city code that I was violating.

But that brings me to an uncomfortable topic. I still don’t think those people were right to complain. And if I knew who it was that reported me, if it affected my relationship with them, the right thing for me to do would be to approach them and clear the air. After I cleaned up my curb.

It’s the Matthew 18 principle. If someone has sinned, or sinned against you, if forgiveness and over-looking the sin isn’t possible, the best thing for your relationship is to go to the person by yourself and try to clear the air. If that doesn’t work, go back with a friend or two. If that doesn’t work, rest easy knowing that you did what needed to be done and give the relationship over to the Lord. I find that usually it doesn’t get that far.

Because people usually like giving and receiving forgiveness. And because those who have received Christ’s forgiveness understand what it is to be forgiven of more than they could ever pay back.

Gore and Horror

You can call me a bad Christian if you want, or somewhat less of a disciple if you choose to use that language, but I have to admit something to everyone today. This is a difficult thing for me, and I would hope to have everyone’s understanding and discretion in this matter.

I didn’t see Passion of the Christ until just a few weeks ago. In fact, until then, I don’t remember ever watching any of the great passion movies that have been made.

I know. I’m supposed to be this example for our children. I’m supposed to be the guy on the cutting edge of culture and how media interacts with the gospel and spiritual things. And I demonstrate such an epic fail in this area. How can I call myself a student minister? How can I assume any place of leadership in our church?

The fact is, I don’t enjoy gory movies. Especially when I feel an emotional connection with one of the characters. When Mel Gibson made The Passion of the Christ, I knew what was in store. I knew that the graphic violence of crucifixion would be displayed for all to see. And given the connection I feel with Christ, I knew that by the end of the movie I would be a basket-case. And I was right.

Maybe I was a coward. The movie was released in 2004, and it took 6 years to bring myself to watch it. I have friends who sat in the theatre parking lot for an hour after they saw it, just weeping.

To be honest, I didn’t want to see it. I was comfortable with the imagery I’d built in my mind of what Jesus experienced when He died for my sin. In many ways, my imagination was cleaner and more pleasant than the movie portrayed, and the movie couldn’t even capture the fullness of terror and gore that surrounded the crucifixion.

I don’t like violence.

I would be totally comfortable with a non-violent atonement. Some have built theologies on this idea that Christ either didn’t really die in such a violent manner, or that God accomplished our reconciliation by some other means. Unfortunately, sin=death. In any circumstance, believer or not, where there is sin, there is death. Enter the violence of God’s redemption.

Christ died a violent death, unbelievably violent, so that I could taste this redemption. Christ experienced separation from God so that I could be reconciled to Him. So, while I still don’t prefer gore and horror, I recognize that it was these things that enable me to have eternal life with my Creator.

And there’s always the happy ending, when Christ shattered death by His resurrection. Well, that was just awesome.