It's Not Personal, It's Busyness

One of my favorite romantic comedies in the world is You’ve Got Mail. Tom Hanks plays Joe Fox, the heir apparent of a chain of Barnes & Noble-type bookstores who puts Kathleen Kelly, the owner of a small children’s bookstore played by Meg Ryan, out of business. Joe Fox’s mantra: “It’s not personal, it’s business.” Through the course of the movie this mantra is turned on it’s head as Joe’s personal life becomes intricately linked with this person he’s just put out of business. It’s quirky and fun, and worth watching if you enjoy good movies.

I think with a bit of an adjustment, we could use this phrase pretty often. I know I can. “Kids, I can’t spend much time with you today. It’s not personal, it’s busyness.” “I know I told you I would call you, but I forgot. It’s not personal, it’s busyness.” “I’m sorry I’m half an hour late for our meeting. It’s not personal, it’s busyness.”

Even though we live in Corsicana, TX and not the big city, we easily find ourselves living a frenetic lifestyle, with our days scheduled to the minute and very little time to just sit and be. For some of us, our personality virtually demands that we plan and schedule each minute of the day. For others, our lack of planning leads to running from one appointment to the next, dropping kids from one sports thing to the next. I fall into the latter category.

What I have found is that the busier I get, the more I miss out. Even more than that, the busier I get, the more my kids miss out. It is my responsibility to make sure that my family is not so busy that we don’t spend time together. As the father, I am charged with the spiritual well-being of my family, and the busier I get, the less influence I have.

Please don’t hear me say that busy people are doing things wrong. At times I have a schedule that has me scrambling from one thing to the next. I am saying that we often add things to our schedules, unnecessary things, that indicate to the people around us that we care more for these things than we care for them.

That’s kind of a harsh truth. When we choose to spend inordinate amounts of time away from our families or the people we love, we speak very clearly about those things that we prefer to give our time and attention.

The more nights I choose to spend out with teenagers, the more my own children discover who I really prefer. The more time I spend on trips, the more Misha gets a clear idea of where she ranks on my list of priorities. The more activities I try to cram into my family’s schedule, the more my family understands what I truly value.

And the opposite is also true.

The more nights I choose to spend with my kids, the more my kids discover how much I truly love them. The more I choose my wife over filling my schedule with events and trips, the more fulfilling our marriage becomes. The more I schedule down-time with my family, the more they understand that I truly value them over any thing on this planet.

Because busyness is personal. Busyness for its own sake makes it difficult, darn near impossible, even, to put extended, focused time into developing those personal relationships that matter most. Busyness tells those around you what you really prefer and where your priorities lie.

Busyness is personal. Wouldn’t it be great if our church continues to be known, as I think it has been up to now, for valuing people over schedules, for being relationship-driven instead of program driven, for having a schedule that truly shows that our priorities are in developing those personal relationships that increase our spiritual influence in the lives of our families and community?