Youth Culture Then and Now

At one point during each of our Real World Parents seminars, I ask the question, “Are things better or worse at this point in our culture than they were 100 years ago?” It’s a trick question, because the answer is, in general, neither. Compared with any point in history, our culture is not better or worse, it’s just different. We have different challenges, possibilities, influences, and technologies, but, in general, we cannot say that our culture is better or worse than it ever has been. Of course, our preferences and our ideas of the ideal society play a large role in our perception of culture.

It seems like every time I talk with the older members of our church about what we do in our student ministry I hear the words, “Things are just more difficult/different/harder than when I was a kid.” This seems to me to be an odd statement, because I grew up in the an era of rapid change in youth culture, and the rate of change increases by the day. Of course things are different today. But for those who were born in the United States during the first half of the 20th century, however, it’s not so strange. We were a primarily agricultural society in the early 1900s, the average family size was larger, communication slower, cities smaller, and, with the exception of the 1920s, our culture was less materialistic than it is today. All of these together made for a less volatile culture, though every generation experiences upheavals of new wars, new technologies, and political strife.

Family life was also more stable than it is today. Children were perceived as assets rather than a drain on the budget. Television and other media were not the distraction they are today, and family meals were the norm rather than the exception. Walt Mueller, the foremost scholar of Youth Culture in the church, gives a list of six of the primary changes that affect our families today:

• The increase and acceptance of divorce
• The rise of cohabitation and out-of-wedlock births
• The crisis of the fatherless
• The increasing number of mothers who work outside the home
• The decreasing amount of time parents are spending with their kids
• More teenagers are the victims of family violence

This is not to say that things were easy or better in the early 20th century, but we are certainly facing some significant challenges as we continue our discussion of ministry to students in our particular context. We look around and we can see, almost overwhelmingly, each of these factors affecting students and families all around us. No one seems immune.

Often we turn to the staff and volunteers in our church to help us know what in the world we can do to help our kids navigate these social pressures. But Youth ministry as we have come to understand it did not exist 100 years ago. These issues were addressed in the family context and the need for a specialized church ministry for adolescents was non-existent. Next we will trace Youth ministry as it has evolved to address the various and changing challenges of our culture.

Ministry is Relationship

Jealousy

As we walked through the building I felt an overwhelming sense of jealousy. The nearly finished Student Ministry Center was huge, the lights were huge, even the soundboard was huge. The welcome center was bigger than my entire space designated for Student Ministry.

Our town has never had a church building like this one before.

I confess to you, the reader, that I am sometimes jealous of Student Ministries with bigger budgets, newer gadgets, nicer buildings, cooler youth guys... The list goes on. I have a plan for what my ministry will look like when I have those kinds of resources. If I ever have those kinds of resources.

“So, what’s your big plan for when this thing is finished?” I asked the Student Minister.

“We’re going to focus on Small Groups and creating a spirit of friendliness.” He replied.

He handed me a book by Jeanne Mayo, Thriving Youth Groups: secrets for growing your ministry & creating a friendship culture. I read it the next day.

Ministry is Relationship

A thought came to me as we were talking: Ministry is relationship. I’ve been saying this for a long time, yet I’ve always had this idea that there are things we could acquire that would “put us right over the top”. Student Ministers are known for being early adopters of technology and tactics of ministry, and I want to be known for that, as well.

Ministry is relationship. It’s not an earth shaking idea. I heard it from a pastor a long time ago. Libraries have been written about it, seminars have been presented declaring it, and committees have been established to determine how to best go about it. From the time of Christ until now, ministry is to be done in the context of relationships, if it is to be considered ministry at all.

Ministry is relationship. This statement is true no matter the generation, church size, socioeconomic class, denomination, creed, or race. Our deepest desire as humans is for connection with God, and that is best felt through connection with His people.

Ministry is relationship. I’ve been a Student Minister in Corsicana, TX for over seven years, and the students who stick, thrive, and go on to ministries of their own are the ones who form connections with other students, ministry volunteers, and other adults in the church. Even my big plan for limitless resources is dependent on and intended to foster close relationships among the students and adults who are involved in the ministry.

Looking Back

As a teenager, I was never a member of a “youth group”. I was a member of a small church with too few teenagers to be considered a “group”. But there was this one church where a few of my classmates attended where I went to from time to time. I even went on a summer trip or two with them. The group was led by a wacky college student named Wes. I remember a few of his jokes. I remember that his hair changed every time Steven Curtis Chapman’s hair changed. I remember that he loved and accepted me right where I was.

I didn’t know that he would be the influence that gave me the desire to be where I am today. Neither did he.

Wes wasn’t a superstar Student Minister. Sylvan Hills First Baptist wasn’t nearly the biggest church around and definitely didn’t have the biggest budget. The teenagers met in what was basically the attic of the church. They called it the “Upper Room”. Yet out of the Upper Room flowed a spirit of love and acceptance that drew me into a deeper relationship with the other students, and deepened my desire to get to know God to a greater degree.

What will follow is a discussion of the basics of effective, thriving ministry to teenagers regardless of budget or resources. I speak from the experience of a small church in a small town. Though practical matters may change, the basic principles of effective ministry remain the same.

Rules and Expectations

Well, it’s that time of year again. The weather is getting cooler, the days are getting shorter, football season is in full swing, and Halloween decorations are on the shelves at our friendly neighborhood retailers.

I’ve never really enjoyed Halloween.

Even when I was a kid, the thought of dressing up, getting candy from strangers, and being scared to death was not a pleasant one. I didn’t mind my parents keeping me home from trick-or-treating, and I certainly didn’t want to go to a haunted house. I may have some repressed memory of some haunted house trauma where a zombie clown pretended to suck out my brains. That would probably also explain my fear of clowns.

Yep, I’m a Hallo-weenie.

I once heard Halloween described as the one day of the year we’re expected to pretend to be someone we’re not. Costumes allow us to play out our fantasies, to face our fears, and hide the things we don’t really like about ourselves.

Of course, Halloween has a long and legendary history. As a child, I learned all about the one day of the year the veil between the living and the dead is supposed by pagans to be the thinnest. I learned about All Saints Day and Jack, who lost his head and wanders purgatory with a lantern made out of a pumpkin looking for it.

At least, I think that’s how it goes.

But in our consumer culture, regardless of its roots, Halloween is considered just a fun night to dress up, party, and get a bunch of candy. As much as I don’t really like Halloween, I really enjoy candy and dressing up.

When I was a kid, the thing I dressed myself in most often was my perception of what everyone around me expected. Give me a list of rules and expectations, and I could be pretty much whatever you wanted me to be. I could even change, like a chameleon, depending on my surroundings and people I was with. It became a bit awkward, though, when I was hanging out with people from different circles at the same time.

That’s the problem with focusing on the rules.

Anyone can fit themselves into a box we create for them. Anyone can pretend to be something they’re not. At least for a little while. You may be a member at BBC, or even just hanging around checking us out, and you may be completely different from the person you present to us at church. It has certainly happened before.

But following the rules doesn’t have anything to do with true life change.

Galatians 3:21: Is the law then against the promises of God? God forbid: for if there had been a law given which could make alive, verily righteousness would have been of the law.

I’m not talking about a passive “let life happen” approach to our Christian life. As we are faced with Scripture and are convicted about what God wants for us, we act and actively pursue the things that He desires for our lives.

James 1:23-24: For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.

We can force people to follow the rules or leave, and that would be fairly easy to do. The much harder thing, and the thing I believe we're called to do, is to love and accept people no matter what and show them by our actions and love who Christ is and what God's character is like. People can follow rules without any true change whatsoever. That was the problem with the Pharisees. People cannot, however, consistently behave contrary to what they truly believe. So we want to help people to know, understand, believe, and apply principles of Scripture, not force themselves into a mold that we create for them.

When people see the way you live your life, do they see Christ's love, or do they see a list of rules and expectations?

Galatians 3:26-27: For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.

Love and Passion

Misha and I have been married for 11 years. It doesn’t seem like such a long time when we hang out with couples who’ve been married 20 and 30 years. I think there are more than a few people who think of us as that cute young married couple, or those young pups. There’s a hint of amusement in their voices as they give us parenting advice or tell us stories about getting along with their spouses. And it’s fine. That’s one reason we hang out with them, to glean from their wealth of wisdom.

At the same time, we have been married a long time. We have friends our age who haven’t been married as long, are on their second marriage, or haven’t yet found Mr. or Mrs. Right. We try not to sound like bossy know-it-alls when we discuss relationships with them, but I’m sure it doesn’t always work. Like all couples who have been married 11 years, we have had our share of character and relationship-trying experiences and dry spells, and I take more than a bit of pleasure in the fact that we have emerged so far with a stronger marriage, a closer relationship, and a more intimate sharing of our lives than when we first started. I am more in love with my wife (in the ooey-gooey infatuated sense) than when we got married.

There’s a theory going around that the ooey-gooey feelings that you have when you first get together with someone go away over time, and you fall into a settled, less passionate existence together. I think that’s bunk. I’ve found that the more I lay down my life for someone who is doing the same for me, the closer our connection becomes, and the more I am able to love her with passion and abandon. The more I get to know what a beautiful and amazing woman she is, the more I want to please her and lay my life down more completely.

I started thinking about this when I read a devotional thought from Colossians 2 by Mark Matlock. Here’s an excerpt:

"In delivering to his readers -- and us -- what we need to know about Jesus, Paul answers the question we often ask: I'm a Christian; now what?

At least, it's the question we should be asking. Instead, I think a lot of us unconsciously think, "I'm a Christian. Now let me get on with my life." Paul will tell us today and tomorrow that God intends that "getting on with your life" be just as much about Jesus as becoming a Christian was in the first place.

My pastor puts it this way: The wedding isn't the end of the relationship; it's only the first day. Becoming a Christian is the start of living in Christ, not just the end of our search for God. If your life isn't all about growing in Christ, it's not all it could be."

I could lead a dry and passionless existence with my wife. And I could do the same with Christ. But there was a time about 13 years ago that I began to realize the depths of love God has for me, and I became, in a sense, “infatuated” with Christ--that is, I felt a deep longing and excitement regarding our relationship. I have been growing in my passion for Him ever since, although as I get older I sometimes express it with less energy (because I do most things with less energy). The more I lay my own life down for Christ and understand how He did the same for me, the more “in love” with Him I become.

It just so happens that I met my wife that same year. Coincidence? I think not.

It's Not Personal, It's Busyness

One of my favorite romantic comedies in the world is You’ve Got Mail. Tom Hanks plays Joe Fox, the heir apparent of a chain of Barnes & Noble-type bookstores who puts Kathleen Kelly, the owner of a small children’s bookstore played by Meg Ryan, out of business. Joe Fox’s mantra: “It’s not personal, it’s business.” Through the course of the movie this mantra is turned on it’s head as Joe’s personal life becomes intricately linked with this person he’s just put out of business. It’s quirky and fun, and worth watching if you enjoy good movies.

I think with a bit of an adjustment, we could use this phrase pretty often. I know I can. “Kids, I can’t spend much time with you today. It’s not personal, it’s busyness.” “I know I told you I would call you, but I forgot. It’s not personal, it’s busyness.” “I’m sorry I’m half an hour late for our meeting. It’s not personal, it’s busyness.”

Even though we live in Corsicana, TX and not the big city, we easily find ourselves living a frenetic lifestyle, with our days scheduled to the minute and very little time to just sit and be. For some of us, our personality virtually demands that we plan and schedule each minute of the day. For others, our lack of planning leads to running from one appointment to the next, dropping kids from one sports thing to the next. I fall into the latter category.

What I have found is that the busier I get, the more I miss out. Even more than that, the busier I get, the more my kids miss out. It is my responsibility to make sure that my family is not so busy that we don’t spend time together. As the father, I am charged with the spiritual well-being of my family, and the busier I get, the less influence I have.

Please don’t hear me say that busy people are doing things wrong. At times I have a schedule that has me scrambling from one thing to the next. I am saying that we often add things to our schedules, unnecessary things, that indicate to the people around us that we care more for these things than we care for them.

That’s kind of a harsh truth. When we choose to spend inordinate amounts of time away from our families or the people we love, we speak very clearly about those things that we prefer to give our time and attention.

The more nights I choose to spend out with teenagers, the more my own children discover who I really prefer. The more time I spend on trips, the more Misha gets a clear idea of where she ranks on my list of priorities. The more activities I try to cram into my family’s schedule, the more my family understands what I truly value.

And the opposite is also true.

The more nights I choose to spend with my kids, the more my kids discover how much I truly love them. The more I choose my wife over filling my schedule with events and trips, the more fulfilling our marriage becomes. The more I schedule down-time with my family, the more they understand that I truly value them over any thing on this planet.

Because busyness is personal. Busyness for its own sake makes it difficult, darn near impossible, even, to put extended, focused time into developing those personal relationships that matter most. Busyness tells those around you what you really prefer and where your priorities lie.

Busyness is personal. Wouldn’t it be great if our church continues to be known, as I think it has been up to now, for valuing people over schedules, for being relationship-driven instead of program driven, for having a schedule that truly shows that our priorities are in developing those personal relationships that increase our spiritual influence in the lives of our families and community?

Misha Then and Now

Every year Misha and I make a list detailing each other’s traits that we most admire. I find it difficult to avoid typing up the same old list I would have written after our first date. Of course, I remember the date like it was yesterday. It was a Wednesday night study of Mere Christianity and a trip to the Hamburger Barn in Arkadelphia, AR. Misha ordered a honey mustard chicken sandwich and I probably had the fajita quesadillas. I only remember that because Misha finished her sandwich before I finished my food and I said, “Man, I’ve never seen a woman put away a sandwich like that before.” Yep, I was smooth. And I was fortunate enough to get a second date.

Even then, my list would have included Misha’s insight into the deep, dark corners of my soul, the face she doesn’t realize she’s making in the mirror when she’s checking her makeup, the way her legs look in black tights, her roundabout yet supremely entertaining way of telling a story, her unwavering determination to speak only what is true, and the intelligence with which she speaks.

I think it’s fair to say that I was completely smitten from the earliest days of our courtship.

We’ve been married 11 years now, and the things that flew me to the moon when we met in 1998 are still among my favorite things about Misha. I discovered early on that she has no tolerance for girlish drama, and that she values people over stuff. It was our first real conversation that clued me in her talent for seeing beyond surface level conversation to see foundational issues at play. Everyone on campus was aware of her obvious talent, but not everyone knew that Misha could craft a story that would have you laughing and crying all at the same time.

So I guess I will dig deep and try to get beyond the same old list that I keep repeating every time I give a compliment. And I’ll avoid the ol’ standby, “yur purty”.

I love that Misha so obviously loves kids. Especially babies. Every kid at Sam Houston Elementary is “her kid”.

Misha’s brain makes connections I usually overlook, which makes her a very interesting conversation partner.

Misha wants to be the best she can be at whatever she’s doing at any given moment.

I love the way Misha reads. She reads a book all the way through, and, if she likes it, she’ll go back and re-read her favorite sections.

Misha can’t resist giving to a worthy cause. Missionaries, students, kids in Haiti, Susan G. Komen, Hope Center, the list goes on.

Misha willingly gives her time away. Especially for ministry, school projects, or advancing the arts in Corsicana.

Misha watches the Star Wars saga with me, if only just to be with me. She scoffs most of the time, but still, she watches. And she recognizes the amazingly well done archetypes...

Misha loves to research cars and houses. Even when we aren’t in the market, she checks out realtor.com and local auto deals.

Misha organizes her schedule around our family. We all know that we are the most important thing in her life outside her relationship with Christ.

Misha is one of the deepest thinkers I know about spiritual things. She breaks through the clutter of big words and breaks difficult concepts down into their basic parts.

Misha’s legs still look fantastic in black stockings.

The World As It Was Meant To Be, part 1

I grew up in the country. My summer days were spent running around barefoot in the woods and hanging out with the only other kid in the neighborhood, and he is 6 years younger than I am. I remember the time I told him there was no Santa. He was 7, I think. His name is Jeff Coletrane.

Jeff’s dad is the consummate country boy. My brothers and I spent our summers working with John Wayne Coletrane mowing lawns, throwing hay, and pretty much anything else that would bring in a few extra bucks.

Every now and then the Coletranes would bring home an animal. Once it was a raccoon they kept in the little playhouse behind their home. It was fenced in, and we always hoped it would become tame and turn into our best friend, following us on our many adventures in the woods. Didn’t happen.

One day John Coletrane brought home a baby goat that was Jeff’s to care for. When it was big enough, they tied it to a tree right outside the raccoon cage. Jeff named her Jellybeans.

I have a confession to make. I hated that goat. I am not proud of this, but when no one was looking, if I was walking by, I would hit it in the face, or I would kick it, or I would wrap it’s rope one more time around the tree to give it a bit less slack. I’ve been carrying this guilt around for 20 years, and it feels good to get this off my chest.

I don’t really know why I would do something like that. But I have some theories:

Maybe I was jealous- I always wanted animals like the Coletranes, but my family just didn’t keep animals except for dogs.

Maybe I was weak- I was never the strongest or most athletic or coolest kid, and I wanted to feel like I was powerful.

Maybe I was cruel- Something in me felt good when I caused harm to a weaker animal.

Maybe it was all three.

What I do know is that these actions on my part are symptoms of a greater problem. We all know this intuitively, all we have to do is look around at the news, and we realize deep down that the world is not as it was meant to be.

Let me give you a picture of the world as God created it:

Genesis 1 gives us a picture of a world in complete balance. Everything God created was good and in perfect order. That’s what the word “good” means here. It’s not good in a moral sense. In Hebrew the word is tov. It means complete, in perfect order, and well-done. There was no extinction, all the creatures were well taken care of, and the climate was perfectly balanced. It’s hard for us to imagine, right?

Well that’s not the most amazing thing. Because after all the things God created and called good, he still hadn’t gotten to the best part. He was building up to His creation nonpareil, His crowning achievement, His magnum opus.

The Bible tells us that God spoke the world into existence, God said, “Let there be light.”, and BAM!!, there was light. It was the same with each stage of creation, land, sky, sun and moon, fish and birds, plants and animals. And after each stage, God looked over His work for the day, and said, “Yes, this is good.” But then, after the animals that live on the land, God stops, takes His time, and gets intimately involved in the formation of the crown of creation, the human. He stoops down, digs into the dirt, and with His own hands forms the shape of a human like we would do with play-doh. And then, He puts His face close to the human’s, and breathes the first breath into his lungs. The word for breath is also the word for spirit, so the first human had the pure breath of God in His lungs, and the man’s spirit was given directly by God Himself.

The man’s name was Adam, the Hebrew word for dirt. Now this dirt was perfectly morally pure. He was not guilty of anything, was completely selfless, and had the opportunity to live forever. His job was to be God’s representative on earth, to rule creation as God’s right hand. And the human knew exactly what God was like because he was able to walk and talk with God as if he were walking and talking to you or me face to face.

There was no war. There was no jealousy. There were no power-hungry dictators. There were no cruel fathers beating their children or wives. There was no destruction of the environment. The man had plenty to eat, and when God created the woman, they were the perfect complement to each other.

So pretty much imagine the best possible world without technology, and it was probably pretty close.

But look around at the world today. There is war. There is abuse. There is jealousy. The world is not as it was meant to be. And there is a reason why.

Quotable Quotes

I never looked at Habakkuk much when I was a kid. It just didn’t register on my radar of things to read. Even now I hardly ever think to revisit the story. After all, it’s just 3 chapters in the middle of the Minor Prophets. They’re like the Minor League, right? The ones that just couldn’t make it in the Majors?

I imagine I’m like most people in the world. We just don’t pay much attention to some books of the Bible. They seem too insignificant or too difficult to understand. Habakkuk seems to fly under the radar, even though we use phrases from the book fairly often. For example: The just shall live by faith, and, He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and sets me on high places. Ok, well, that’s all I could find. And that last one is a stretch.

It just so happens that Howard Hendricks was still teaching first year Bible Study Methods at Dallas Seminary when I started in 2001. Part of the program was to dissect Habakkuk and chart the book in great detail. Until then I had been satisfied to depend on the verses I had memorized as a kid. So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that to understand Scripture it’s not enough to be able to quote a few random verses from a few random books of the Bible.

We have a quotable quote Christian culture. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know my Redeemer lives. Be kind one to another. For God so loved the world. The greatest of these is love. We depend on these verses and pull them out to address different situations we face. Trouble with your boss at work? God gives grace to the humble. Death in the family? To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

In the 70s and 80s the Bible Church movement was known for its commitment to getting beyond the self-help, quotable quote Christian Culture. Believers Bible Church was, and still is, known for digging deep into Scripture and finding the unfathomable truths that can be found on every page of the Bible. But the temptation to be satisfied with quotable quotes at the expense of understanding context, nuance, and the author’s intended meaning remains strong.

Don’t misunderstand me. All of the verses we most love to quote are on my list of favorites. But it’s our tendency to use quotable quotes that allows misunderstandings and even heresies into our mindset. It’s this tendency to cherry pick verses that leads to proof-texting and justification of our own wrong thinking. It leads to a confusion of the actual message of books like James and Hebrews.

The word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (There I go. But I think I may be well within the interpretive range in this one.) If we are going to really experience the life that God desires for us to live, it is necessary for us to get beyond the quotable quote approach to Scripture. The Bible is God’s communication of Himself to us. If we really want to know Him and the power of His resurrection, then we must dig deep. If we want to realize the unfathomable riches of His grace, we must be committed to the daily study, not of someone else’s thoughts about Scripture, but of Scripture itself.

It starts with just reading. I hope that even if you’ve gotten behind in our Bible reading plan, you are sticking with it and discovering new truths every day, because this is how we deepen our faith and get to know the Almighty God of the universe who has made Himself known to us.

Life with Death in Mind

Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21

I thought my grandmother would outlive us all. She was born in 1916 and had seen and experienced more than I can imagine. Even when she fell and broke her hip a couple of years ago, she recovered, and it never seemed like she was finished. She loved to go into town and get her hair done and run errands. Any of her caretakers who wouldn’t drive her around she dismissed out of hand. She was a feisty country girl who never stopped tending her plants, even though she wasn’t able to get out in the garden for the last several years. And she always sent us grandkids a crisp five dollar bill on our birthdays. And there are a lot of us.

Just before her 94th birthday, my grandmother died in her sleep.

Alice Elvina McCracken was one of those larger than life characters who was revered by all who knew her. She was mostly known for her influence and wisdom and her work on the missions council of her church. As much as I didn’t really believe it was going to happen, her death was inevitable.

Even now, over 6 months after her death, I’m looking outside at the green grass and the birds flying, and I find it hard to imagine her death as a reality. I almost expect that the next time I visit her house in the countryside of Ohio where my parents now live, I will find her waiting for us on the front porch with rhubarb, cookies, and Tang on the kitchen table.

I think my grandmother was well aware of her own fragility. I think she lived with her death in mind. And I think she might encourage us to do the same.

I don’t mean we should live in a “We’re all gonna die!” freak out mode, but that we should live our lives with a sense of purpose. Living with our deaths in mind means to live our lives so that at the end, we can look back and know that our lives meant something. At the end, we can look back and know that we fulfilled our purpose, and did our best to honor our Creator.

Living with our deaths in mind means that right now, at each consecutive moment, we seek to have this mindset:

My confident hope is that I will in no way be ashamed but that with complete boldness, even now as always, Christ will be exalted in my body, whether I live or die. For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain. Now if I am to go on living in the body, this will mean productive work for me, yet I don’t know which I prefer: I feel torn between the two, because I have a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far, but it is more vital for your sake that I remain in the body. And since I am sure of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for the sake of your progress and joy in the faith, so that what you can be proud of may increase because of me in Christ Jesus, when I come back to you.

Philippians 1:20-26

And living with our deaths in mind means looking forward to the end, when we will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a few things, you will be ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your master.” -Matthew 25:23

May we be people who are known, as my grandmother was known, for living our lives with our deaths in mind.

Planning and Purpose

I spend about half my time at BBC planning for the future. I try to plan each school year out by the end of the summer, and each summer by the end of April. I generally know the Bible studies we’re going to do, the events we’re going to hold, and how we’re going to get things done. You may find it hard to believe, but I’ve already started planning for the Fall 2011 semester, and I’m actually behind some other youthguys I know.

Things don’t always go as planned. I’m experiencing this right now. Last summer, I planned One Night Only 2011 for April 2. Then something came up and we needed to move it, so I chose April 16. Now, we have found more reasons to move it again. Frustrating... if my purpose was to advance my own program, that is.

Planning ahead from an organizational perspective is completely necessary if we are going to advance an organization in a meaningful way. That’s kind of where we are in our institution of church. So I will keep planning. But at BBC, we tend to value people over programs and relationships over schedules. And when I am tempted to become annoyed and frustrated because things didn’t work out the way I planned, I remember my purpose.

You see, my purpose is not to pull off great events. My purpose is not to be well-known as a tremendous speaker or revered as the city’s best youth guy. My purpose is to pursue real and lasting life change in the lives of my students brought about by their growing knowledge of and relationship with Christ.

Events and programs are just a means to that end. And they are not even the primary means. We have Focus, I am Second, One Night Only, Second Camp, Mission Trip, and other scheduled events to facilitate growing relationships with each other and with Christ. But in reality, it’s the phone calls, the Facebook messages, the conversations at lunch or at the ball game or in a living room, the hanging out around Farkle or Madden Football, the random interactions at the store that really foster and deepen our relationships with each other. And it is through these interactions that we are able to spur each other on to love and good works.

So when scheduling difficulties come around, as they always do, I remember my purpose. I remember that we could do without the event, and we would be just fine. There are plenty of ways that Christ draws us into an ever-deepening knowledge of Himself, and most of them have nothing to do with a silly variety show that raises a little money so we can travel to camp and mission trip. Something tells me we would have that money with or without the show.

Friendship

I have 613 friends. According to Facebook, that is. That’s actually quite a few. Misha and I have a running competition. When she first joined Facebook, she racked up over 300 friends in 48 hours. Now she has 643. I’ve been steadily gaining ground, looking up old friends from high school and college, and even elementary school. And the more I go to Youth Ministry events, the more I can keep catching up.

I am quite confident that over the course of my life I have been more than acquaintances with more than 613 people. There are professors, teachers, family friends, classmates, youth ministry students, etc. from my past who have yet to receive a Facebook friend request from me. And I can think of a whole bunch of people in my life right now who aren’t even on Facebook! I know! It’s hard to believe!

My mom joined Facebook a few months ago to be able to get pictures of her kids and keep track of her 13 grandchildren. She only has 53 friends. She is amazed that we have so many Facebook friends. “How do you keep track of them all?” She is flabbergasted at the idea.

She brings up a good point. I once hung out with a guy who’s girlfriend went to a movie with us once in high school. She is now my Facebook friend and has access to all my pictures and information that I have made available. I’m not really sure I would recognize her if she walked into my office at this moment. But there she is, and I call her friend.

It seems that Facebook is redefining the concept of friendship. As opposed to someone with whom we share intimate knowledge and have a good and growing relationship, a friend is now anyone we choose to allow access to our information.

And my mom is correct. There is no way, without careful and deliberate effort, I can keep track of 613 people. And I would say it is even more impossible to maintain a good and growing relationship with them.

So I’ve begun to take Facebook friends for what they are: people who have impacted my life in some way, past and present, with whom I would like to share myself in some limited way. And in return, I have an opportunity to maintain some sort of influence in their lives as well.

As I considered my mom’s question, I came to the conclusion that the point is not to keep track of everyone, but to share myself in a way that those who have access may receive some benefit. So I carefully consider my updates, the articles and videos I share, and the pictures I post with the thought of how my Facebook “friends” might be encouraged, challenged, influenced, or brought closer to Christ. Except for the ones that are just plain silly.

And just like we should maybe be doing in our non-online lives, I’ve decided to choose a few of my friends every day to pray for them and send them an encouraging note. We’ll see how long it takes to get through all 613 of them. Oops! There’s number 614!